Chapter 1.10: This Is Real, This is ME

“I really gotta go guys. It’s my son’s birthday today! See you tomorrow!” As I waved back to my colleagues, and then as I turned around, I saw Gunther fell down clutching his chest.

All of us have panicked, someone tried called the ambulance, some tried to revive Gunther and suddenly a strange feeling enveloped me, like sucking my breath out of me, the air become cold and clammy, out of thin air, a hooded black figure showed up. And from that instant, I’ve seen death.

I went home sadly to what I have seen today and as I walked past the doors of our house I saw Holden. He is preparing breakfast. “What time is it?” looked at my clock, 5am! I’ve completely missed my son’s birthday party, even though it’s only 3 of us that were going to celebrate it.

 

I looked at my husband’s face. Trying to figure out what he would say or do. He laid down the egg that he is holding, I guess he is preparing waffles or pancakes for my son’s first day at school today. I found a blank face, not usually the ones when he forgot about something.

And then it all began….

He shouted and shouted at me. It was a rampage of Holden’s feelings that has been bottled up. I’m irritated about this. He would not understand. He wouldn’t listen to me, or should I say he didn’t even let me talk. He just keep shouting, sending his saliva all over me, telling me how disappointed he is for making my son wait and prioritizing my work.

That did it. It hit a nerve.

 

I retaliated. I haven’t slept for almost 14 hours, I just saw death and I’m tired, because I’m  working very hard.

But Holden wouldn’t even listen.

We heard sounds from my son’s room. He’s awake. We decided to stop arguing. We didn’t want him to be bothered by this. Holden suddenly become quiet.

I don’t want my son to see us fighting so I just blurted out that I’m going to sleep. Holden understand what I mean and goes to my son’s room. I felt a wave of guilt. I just went to my room and tossed myself to the bed.

 

Later that morning, a wave of nausea awoke me from my deep slumber. I tried to get up but I feel woozy. I decided to look for my husband, but he was not at home. He didn’t even left a note as he always did. I was annoyed by this, so he’s taking it real hard huh! Fine with me! I’m mad at him also for insulting my work that is helping us with finances.

But without a warning, I felt like a monster is inside of me wanting to get out. I ran to the bathroom. I spend my whole morning hugging the toilet bowl.

 

I spent the rest of the afternoon with my garden. I missed them, there my outlet whenever I felt bad. I’ve also setup near them my gift for my little boy.

It’s been like almost a month that I’ve seen my boy. I could see the carrot color hair came bobbing down the steps of the school bus.

“Muuuuuuuum!!!!” He cried when he saw me.

I’ve hugged him tightly. Some of the words of Holden last night were right. I haven’t seen my son for a while even if we leave on the same house. I know that one of the problems that Holden shouted about, is that, Henry hates the outdoors so much, because I’m busy with my work and Holden was busy with the house, Henry didn’t even experience going to the park.

I’ve led him near the garden and saw the easel. He ran to it and forgot that he hates the outdoors for a while to paint his first painting. I’m so proud of him and it makes me happy that he is not mad at me.

Later that evening I confide my morning sickness to my friends in the theatre, Pauline & Stiles, so while they others are busy rehearsing, Pauline and I snuck up to the grocery and bought a pregnancy test. After we got back to the theatre I prepared myself and went to the bathroom to try the test.

Much to my dismay, the results are positive. I can’t believe it. It’s been what almost a month since we had an intimate interaction. Holden and I, has been so distant lately because of misunderstanding and our differences, so I was shocked to find out that I was pregnant. Pauline congratulated me and Stiles tried to make the situation cheerful.

“It’s mine. I’ve made you pregnant by just looking at you” He jokingly said.

I smiled weakly at him. I know he likes me but he knows his place, but I appreciate his way of trying to cheer me up.

“Gwen…” a voice suddenly got me back to reality.

It’s Zelda. We’ve been very civil to one another ever since the argument at their house and I know that she stopped seeing my husband because of what I said to her. I got surprised when she suddenly talked to me.

“Come to my office. I’ve like to had my word with you”

I reluctantly stand up and followed her. I hope this is not another bad news.

 

It’s been almost 30 minutes since I’ve been staring at these clothes that I just washed. It’s been almost 1 hour since I’ve know two biggest shockers in my life.

I’m pregnant and I’ve been promoted.

I know for some people this is good news but for me only one of them is good news.

I’ve been promoted to band manager, Zelda, my boss shocked me with this news. I know I never expected it so I tried to pull my ass to work overtimes to have an income. Promotion is bad news since we are not in good terms. Holden is right again, that Zelda is a snob but a really fair person. Then the bad news kicked in, I’m pregnant so I would have almost a year of maternity leave. That sucks because it means another financial problem is coming.

Don’t get me wrong, I still like to have kids but in our state right now, having another child is really bad timing.

I better tell this to Holden. We have to really tighten our belts for this and he have to finish his book to increase his stipend.

 

Not after long, Elizabeth was born. She’s beautiful, her face looks like mine, but sleepless nights and having to clean the house and take care of a baby is very hard.

Ever since Lizzie, (Henry made her that nickname because Elizabeth is too long and Holden chooses that name because of regality) had been born. Holden and I had make amends. We have a baby we have to come through our feelings and help each other to guide Lizzie.

 

Due to my stress and frustrations at home, I went to the Spa to have time for myself. I had to refresh myself. I’ve been depressed for a long time. I’ve been neglecting myself lately. I’ve had massage & make over for 500§, but it’s all worth it especially now that I will become an adult. This is my gift for myself. Happy Birthday to me!

 

I went home and saw my husband reading in the bed, I cuddled next to him and he was surprised and he looked at me.

“So you’ve taken away your headband. Well I liked it” Holden looked at me smiling.

“This is me, Honey. I’m really sorry. I’ve been neglecting all of you. But this is the “me” again, your Gwen you’ve fallen in love. I love you and Henry and Lizzie. I’m sorry that you also had to take care of me and watch me grow too.”

He smiled and he hugged me tight, he plant kisses all over and…. You know where it went. It’s been awhile though. Happy Birthday to me J

Holden and Gwen are now both adult, now with the challenge on having to build a family, they stayed together and make it through the challenges that life had thrown to them. Will they be able to get their lifetime wish before the hooded guy comes again .Let’s wait for the next chapter to find out!




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